DBT GIVE & FAST (relationship effectiveness)
GIVE for keeping relationships; FAST for self-respect — pair with DEAR MAN for difficult family or workplace talks.
When to use: After DEAR MAN when client collapses self-respect or over-apologizes in family conflict.
Clinician tip: Role-play tone — GIVE is often harder than the script words.
GIVE for keeping relationships; FAST for self-respect — pair with DEAR MAN for difficult family or workplace talks. Use the worksheet in session or as homework. Preview the layout on the right — tap it or choose View full preview below for the complete on-screen version.
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Use GIVE when the relationship matters as much as the outcome. Use FAST when self-respect must not be traded away — especially under family duty pressure.
GIVE — keep the relationship
- ☐G — Gentle (tone, no attacks or sarcasm)
- ☐I — Interested (listen; don’t multitask shame-spirals)
- ☐V — Validate (their feeling can make sense even if you disagree)
- ☐E — Easy manner (soft face, humor if appropriate)
FAST — keep self-respect
- ☐F — Fair to self and other
- ☐A — Apologies only when you mean it (not to buy peace)
- ☐S — Stick to values (not reputation performance)
- ☐T — Truthful — no exaggeration or hiding needs
Practice scenario (family / work)
Situation — what you need to say or ask
GIVE — how you will show you care while asking
FAST — line you will not cross (values / limits)
Related resources
- DBT skillsDBT DEAR MAN (assertiveness)Script framework for asking for what you need — especially in family and workplace duty conflicts.
- DBT skillsDBT diary card (blank week)Track urges, skills used, and mood — weekly template for DBT-informed therapy.
- DBT skillsDBT distress tolerance: TIPPTemperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, progressive relaxation — crisis survival.
- DBT skillsDBT STOP skillStop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully — impulsivity and conflict moments.